Dude, it's complicated!

In Dude, you've got problems, Judith Warner offers some fascinating, if depressing, insight into the ways teenage boys are using sexual IDs as pejoratives; It turns out, Warner says, "Your so gay" doesn't actually mean anyone thinks your gay.

I’m only partly talking about homophobia, which, though virulent, cruel and occasionally fatal among teenagers, is not the whole story behind the fact that words like “fag” and “gay” are now among the most potent and feared weapons in the school bully’s arsenal.

Being called a “fag,” you see, actually has almost nothing to do with being gay.

It’s really about showing any perceived weakness or femininity – by being emotional, seeming incompetent, caring too much about clothing, liking to dance or even having an interest in literature. It’s similar to what being viewed as a “nerd” is, Bennington College psychology professor David Anderegg notes in his 2007 book, “Nerds: Who They Are and Why We Need More of Them”: “‘queer’ in the sense of being ‘odd’ or ‘unusual,’” but also, for middle schoolers in particular, doing “anything that was too much like what a goody-goody would do.”

This article brings up some of the same issues of behavior and identity among boys and men that my class on Masculinity in America, Past and Present looked at yesterday. Why do we so readily peg physical strength, authority, and overt displays of violence as inherently masculine traits? In sociologist Eugene Genovese's landmark book on slavery in America, Roll Jordan, Roll, he describes how this conflation of masculinity and physical force in the 19th Century produced a society in which (1) white [male] slaveholders felt the need to assert their control over male slaves by treating them like children who merited strict rules and worse punishments, and (2) male slaves felt compelled to abuse the women around them to compensate for the emasculation they experienced as slaves. In other words, social stature and brute force were the two most secure ways to demarcate your manliness, in that order.

Today, it this same line of thinking that leads us to associate "gay," "fag" and other terms with impotence and submission—to reiterate, not "manly" traits to have at all. I worry what that does for us as a culture, and for adolescents in particular who want to defend their masculinity, regardless of where their sexual preferences lie?

One commenter on the blog who goes by the name Nancy sums up my concerns well:

"Domestic violence hotlines have experienced increased call volume as economic times have worsened. There’s a trickle-down effect. Parents feel less in control these days and want to have more control on the homefront and in general. Powerlessness leads to anger, anger leads to aggression. Kids absorb this and follow suit."